Note: Christopher has input a couple comments in parenthesis because he’s nosy like that.
Hello Ladies and Dudes,
I was asked this question:
“How did you let down your walls enough to surrender?”
The key for that wall coming down was setting up the ground work. We’d had countless conversations about our future and what we wanted from each other. We spoke about the realities of our ages, money, school, friends and relationship goals. We came to an agreement on what we wanted, we just needed to make it happen and that included Surrender.
I distrust people automatically. (C: We’re working on that.) I just assume that since we’re strangers and I haven’t earned their loyalty, why should they consider my feelings…
I felt this way when it came to my romantic relationship with Christopher. Sleeping together and being told that he loved me didn’t make a difference to my thinking. I still didn’t trust Christopher as far as I could throw him. (C: Which isn’t far. Like at all. Like even a little bit.)
Fucking together means nothing in of itself. And “I love you” is a nice way to convey feelings but without action it’s meaningless in a long term commitment.
Christopher and I haven’t had the easiest start to our relationship. We got together when so much was up in the air in our lives, we weren’t sure if our actual relationship was a conversation away from ending. (C: She wasn’t sure. I’ve only had one moment of doubt and that ended in a fight loud enough for our neighbor’s neighbors to hear.)
After we moved in together things were better. We were able to talk more, negotiate, play and have lovely moments of aftercare and giggles.
That wall that I had so perfectly built wasn’t coming down easily. Christopher spent months trying to tear it down, but it wasn’t only his job. (C: I spent months proving that it was worth her tearing it down. It’s impossible for someone on the outside to tear down walls or build them up. The only thing you can do is convince the person inside that it’s worth opening up. It makes no difference how domly dom you think you are or even how submissive someone is. It doesn’t even necessarily go from Dom to Sub. Brittany did a lot of work proving herself to me.) I had to help. So, after MONTHS of action on his end, months of him proving he was worth it, I started to slowly take down the wall.
This was hard. I spent countless nights crying, countless days being cranky. I was terrified. I was so scared that I hoping he’d break up with me so I wouldn’t have to take down my wall.
Alas, he did not break up with me, he fought harder. I saw this beautiful man fight for me in a way that no one ever has. He went to great lengths to prove his love for me and within three weeks of total dedication to this relationship, I felt the foundation of my wall crumble.
See, prior to those weeks, we’d both put in a fair amount of work into this relationship, but we both took it for granted. It wasn’t until we sat down and gave each other real ultimatums, that we had a reality check. We needed that. We needed to know that the other had standards and wouldn’t be around much longer without great change.
So, we changed.
I made the decision to give everything that I had to this relationship. I was putting all of my chips in. I knelt at his feet and I felt instantly better. I offered myself to him fully and without limitations.
And NOTHING BAD HAPPENED! (C: Told you so.)
It was this great moment of realization. I’m a smart woman. I chose a great man. I allowed my fear and past trauma to control my life. But Not anymore!
Nothing bad happened when I surrendered, when I allowed him to truly make my decisions. I hope that it will continue to work, but surrender is a choice. It’s a choice I make every time that I do it. It won’t always go perfectly and I’m sure bad things will happen, but we will repair them as a team.
I didn’t just let my wall down “enough”, I destroyed it at its foundation. It cannot exist for a relationship to grow. Our walls harbor our fears, and honestly, most of our irrational ones.
Surrender is Trust at its purest.
I offer myself up to Christopher through surrender because he has earned it. I am His.
I believe that he loves me and wants the best for me. I believe that he will make decisions that are good for me.
I am happily His.
I hope this helped,