Hello Ladies and dudes,

Sometimes, I imagine being a pie. What would that be like? I would be soft and firm at the same time. I’d be moist and hot in the center and taste sweet, like strawberries. I would be awesome.

My name is Brittany. I like long walks on the beach, reading novels by the fire and masturbating while I watch the news. I’m a queer woman-in-training, struggling novelist, self-diagnosed sex addict, registered independent, a bubbly feminist, and I hate cake.

Hold on to your Chanel heels, this rides going to get bumpy. PS: I don’t own anything Chanel, so the shoes I bought from Forever 21 are gonna have to do. This is going to be just like the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. There’s going to be hot men, women and even cute babies. We’re going to see the world (through Google Maps), travel to hidden jungles (most of them located between human legs), and meet people who blow your mind….and you.

Sometimes, when the sun in shinning, coffee is in my hand and I’m still naked from a night of ‘studying,’ I wonder about the world. I think about wars, starvation, human trafficking, political elections, and the hot women I’d have sex with.

When I was eleven my parents put a computer in my room. That was the worst idea. Catholic parents who are anti premarital sex shouldn’t have given their child unsupervised access to the internet. I spent countless hours watching porn and learning how to masturbate. It was Britney’s Spears dirty version of ‘Over-Protected,’ that brought out my inner lesbian.

She was the first girl that I ever fell in love with. She was the first celebrity that I had a crush on. She was the first role-model that made me want to dress half naked and move my hips back and forth. I was ready to lay down my life for her and then I found out she was straight. It was all downhill from there.


When I first shaved my head It went well. With the help of my six younger brothers the job was completed, pictures were taken, insults were exchanged and the un-asked-for opinions flooded my phone, my email, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Youtube channel.

People were dying to know why I did it. The answer is simple: Because I wanted to.

It’s not that hard of a concept.

I do what I want because it makes me happy.

That sums up how I run my life, but there’s one thing I should add.

I believe human beings have one obligation: Don’t fuck up the world any worse than it is. Do what you want, but always be aware of how your actions will change everything around you.

I create videos, write stories, post pictures on Instagram, keep up in Facebook and update my Twitter about my adventures in Seattle.

I’m living my authentic happiness with my partner Christopher and loving it!


Enjoying a lovely day in Seattle at Gasworks park. My favorite spot in Seattle.

Enjoying a lovely day in Seattle at Gasworks park. My favorite spot in Seattle.

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