Hello Ladies and Dudes,
I recently created a video that covered “how to make BDSM feel real.”
I essentially said: “BDSM is as real as you make it. Through rituals and protocol and consistency you created this to be a real thing in your life.”
Christopher disagreed with me saying, “BDSM is who someone is. You can’t just make it real by doing the things, for some of us, it’s real no matter what. If you hadn’t found me, if you never knew what BDSM was, you’d still be looking for it. You’d be searching for your Dom. You’re a Submissive, it’s who you are.”
I didn’t understand the depth of his words until last night.
In my soul, I know that this community is my home. I know that I do best within it’s rules and structure. I know that I crave to kneel at Christopher’s feet more than I want most things.
Weeks back, Christopher and I were spending time together, laughing and joking.
“I’m going to make you sleep at the foot of the bed when you’re bad,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t think so.”
In that moment, I was thinking of BDSM from a “fun, light and temporary” mindset. Sometimes, my brain is 100% aware that this is a serious lifestyle choice for Christopher and I. Sometimes, my brain forgets that because the world around me sucks me back into its everyday silliness.
Christopher and I do have a reputation of being very “serious” about our BDSM because it dictates, truly, so much of our lives. It’s as important to us as a religion might be to some.
We take no steps in our relationships that haven’t been fully negotiated. When I give him more, he takes more, as much as he can. He doesn’t just want what I give. He wants ALL OF IT. He wants the things I don’t want to give.
So, when he says, “Who do you belong to?”
And I say, “You Sir.”
I mean that.
I am His.
He has Everything, All of It.
It’s all his.
So, last night, I was being punished. I had been bad over the last 48 hours and I wasn’t proving myself to be worthy of his Collar.
That night, in the most serious of voices Christopher informed me that I wouldn’t be sleeping in his bed. I would be sleeping at the foot of the bed.
Weeks ago, this seemed like a nightmare, but truly, as I knelt at his feet, I knew I’d earned it. I earned a sore back in the morning. I earned not being able to feel him pressed against me. I earned my punishment.
This lifestyle isn’t some flippant pastime for us.
It’s frightens me how peaceful I was when I woke this morning.
It frightens me that I want this.
It calms me when I live it fully.
When Christopher is truly mean, when he follows through, when he is my DOM and not my boyfriend, I feel truly free.
I am honored to be His.