Category Archives: Poly
Hello Ladies and Dudes,
I got a question on tumblr from a woman, essentially asking how she can get her boyfriend to take more control…
I created a video as a response.
I also wanted to add a list of ways to help those entering into control dynamics.
Ways Your Top/Dom/Master Can Take Control In Every Day Life:
- The bottom greets the top with a specific saying.
- “Good evening, Sir, how was your day?”
- “Good evening Mistress, welcome home.”
- The bottom uses specific titles instead of their name.
- Instead of Bob, call him Sir.
- Instead of Susan, call her Ma’am.
- The top can pick out the bottom’s clothes when headed to an event.
- I often lay out three dresses for Christopher to choose from or he’ll have one in mind already (Christopher only chooses what I wear for special events, though some people do it every day).
- The Top gets to dictate when the bottom cums or masturbates.
- Sometimes it’s as simple as, “You will not masturbate until I see you, that way you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”
- Or, “You will masturbate today for ten mins, but you will not cum until I say so, or maybe not at all…”
- Top can choose whether or not the bottom wears panties for the day/or event coming up.
- Christopher loves to take away my panties because I’m a very wet person, so he knows I have to be careful where I sit and how move around (especially since he’ll put me in a short dress on nights with no panties).
- The Bottom will have a meal prepared for the Top when the top comes over/wakes up/gets home from work.
- The bottom will massage the tops feet during TV time.
- The bottom will kneel while the top feeds them dinner.
These are just common ways for Tops/Doms/Masters to take control. There are always other methods, but remember, taking control means different things for different people.
Explore! Have fun!
I hope this helps!
Hello Ladies and Dudes,
Christopher and I are now living together. We moved in, set up rules and boundaries. Everything seemed to be going well…but something was off.
It took me a month to figure it out but I finally did.
Christopher and I are in a D/S relationship. I am his Submissive. He is my Dom. We have rituals, rules and protocol everyday….Except Sunday.
Christopher and I thought it best to have Sunday to “rest,” and to attend to our other responsibilities. After the fourth Sunday in a row I was becoming frustrated, stressed, and angry. I felt lost and annoyed at Christopher.
This last Sunday was the final straw for me. We started the day off, both on different planets- which for us, is weird. We’re usually on the same page. Because it was Sunday he wasn’t going to correct my behavior, or communicate with me as my Dom.
Christopher tried to treat me like he was just my vanilla partner, and this is a problem. He is NOT my vanilla partner. He isn’t JUST my boyfriend. He isn’t JUST the man I’m planning a life with.
He is my DOM, my partner, and the man I’m planning a life with.
For us, our D/S dynamic is actually the foundation of our relationship. It’s not just a costume we’re trying on. It’s apart of who we are. It’s sewn into our skins, imprinted on our souls.
This last Sunday taught me one thing, that our relationship is strengthened through D/S. It is because we are in a D/S dynamic that we get anything done. It’s the reason we can really resolve our “problems” within 24 hours of them arising.
This last Sunday all I wanted was to kneel at his feet and to have him place a hand behind my neck. What ended up happening instead?
I was naked in bed, rolling around into positions that normally get him hard, normally get him to fuck me until I’m screaming from the pain and the orgasms.
Instead, he was sitting in his computer chair watching me with a very indifferent expression.
“Come cuddle with me,” I said.
“If I cuddle you, I’ll fall asleep,” he said. “And I really don’t want to sleep.”
“I haven’t had time with you all day,” I said. “We’ve had people over and you’ve been in a funk since I woke up. Just spend like twenty mins with me.”
“I really need space right now,” he said. “I need to just let my mind zone out. Is that okay?”
“Of course that’s okay,” I said, but it didn’t ‘feel’ okay. “You’re allowed to want space.”
I left his room and burst into tears. I just wanted to be near him, but he didn’t want to be near me (or that’s how I saw it). My brain automatically snapped into feelings of despair and rejection. This was totally an illogical reaction but my brain didn’t understand what was happening.
I spent that night cuddled in the arms of a friend who let me vent to her. It was than I realized what was wrong.
D/S could have saved this reaction from happening.
Christopher woke up that morning not in DOM mode, because he had to force himself to be something other than what he is. He is a Dom, he is MY Dom and out of love for me, he tried to give me a day where I could run around ‘free.’
That ‘freedom’ wasn’t really freedom, it felt like a punishment. I was being denied by chance to serve him, to be his Submissive. It felt awful.
I woke up wanting to serve. The need was so great I was happy the moment I woke up, eager to do just that. But it never happened, because I didn’t kneel at his feet. I didn’t state that I didn’t want a vanilla Sunday.
That was my fault. I could have saved us a lot of hell that day.
Christopher was trying to hear me as a boyfriend and tried responding to me as a boyfriend, which lead my Submissive brain to feel unworthy of Service to my Dom.
I know, it can be messy and confusing, but hear me out!
Christopher thought I was making a request as a girlfriend and not as a Submissive.
This makes a huge difference.
When girlfriend Brittany needs attention that means: Conversing with me, watching a movie with me. INTERACTING with me.
When Submissive Brittany needs attention: I just need to be near him. I would have been happy with any of the following:
- Christopher has me kneel at his feet while he has alone time.
- Christopher has me kneel and work on a task, like writing that I do for him.
- Christopher has me work on crocheting a sweater while kneeling at his feet.
- Christopher has be blow him under his desk.
- Christopher has me massage his shoulders/feet.
- Christopher has me work on my computer while I kneel at his feet.
- Christopher has me prepare him a drink before coming to kneel at his feet.
When I’m His, when I’m in Submissive mode (which is always, except when working), I feel at peace just being near him. I love kneeling in silence while he works on the computer. I love it when he pets my hair without taking his eyes from his work, almost mindlessly, because I am His.
Christopher heard my request of wanting to spend time with him and heard it as “Brittany NEEDS to INTERACT with you, pay attention to me.”
When what I wanted was to serve him, and I know my Dom. I know that he loves having me kneel in silence near him while he works. So, when he rejected me, I didn’t understand. Don’t worry, things got better.
That night, I came home and told him about my feelings and I requested that he take away my “free” Sunday. I asked to serve him every day of the week, to be His every day of the week, and he accepted.
I am a Submissive. I feel at peace when I’m able to serve. Without my service I feel truly lost.
In the end, we learned, that for us, D/S wasn’t just a fun pastime. For us D/S is who we are as individuals.
I am a very happy Submissive 🙂