Category Archives: Poly

Let’s Talk Poly w/ Jak!

Our Relationship: In All The Gory Details!

How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Be More Dominant?

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I got a question on tumblr from a woman, essentially asking how she can get her boyfriend to take more control…

Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 6.42.58 PM

I created a video as a response.


I also wanted to add a list of ways to help those entering into control dynamics.

Ways Your Top/Dom/Master Can Take Control In Every Day Life:

  • The bottom greets the top with a specific saying.
    • “Good evening, Sir, how was your day?”
    • “Good evening Mistress, welcome home.”
  • The bottom uses specific titles instead of their name.
    • Instead of Bob, call him Sir.
    • Instead of Susan, call her Ma’am.
  • The top can pick out the bottom’s clothes when headed to an event.
    • I often lay out three dresses for Christopher to choose from or he’ll have one in mind already (Christopher only chooses what I wear for special events, though some people do it every day).
    • The Top gets to dictate when the bottom cums or masturbates.
      • Sometimes it’s as simple as, “You will not masturbate until I see you, that way you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”
      • Or, “You will masturbate today for ten mins, but you will not cum until I say so, or maybe not at all…”
    • Top can choose whether or not the bottom wears panties for the day/or event coming up.
      • Christopher loves to take away my panties because I’m a very wet person, so he knows I have to be careful where I sit and how move around (especially since he’ll put me in a short dress on nights with no panties).
    • The Bottom will have a meal prepared for the Top when the top comes over/wakes up/gets home from work.
    • The bottom will massage the tops feet during TV time.
    • The bottom will kneel while the top feeds them dinner.

These are just common ways for Tops/Doms/Masters to take control. There are always other methods, but remember, taking control means different things for different people.

Explore! Have fun!

I hope this helps!

<3 Brittany

Living D/S 24/7: It’s The Answer To Finding My Happiness.

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

Christopher and I are now living together. We moved in, set up rules and boundaries. Everything seemed to be going well…but something was off.

It took me a month to figure it out but I finally did.

Christopher and I are in a D/S relationship. I am his Submissive. He is my Dom. We have rituals, rules and protocol everyday….Except Sunday.

Christopher and I thought it best to have Sunday to “rest,” and to attend to our other responsibilities. After the fourth Sunday in a row I was becoming frustrated, stressed, and angry. I felt lost and annoyed at Christopher.

This last Sunday was the final straw for me. We started the day off, both on different planets- which for us, is weird. We’re usually on the same page. Because it was Sunday he wasn’t going to correct my behavior, or communicate with me as my Dom.

Christopher tried to treat me like he was just my vanilla partner, and this is a problem. He is NOT my vanilla partner. He isn’t JUST my boyfriend. He isn’t JUST the man I’m planning a life with.

He is my DOM, my partner, and the man I’m planning a life with.

For us, our D/S dynamic is actually the foundation of our relationship. It’s not just a costume we’re trying on. It’s apart of who we are. It’s sewn into our skins, imprinted on our souls.

This last Sunday taught me one thing, that our relationship is strengthened through D/S. It is because we are in a D/S dynamic that we get anything done. It’s the reason we can really resolve our “problems” within 24 hours of them arising.

This last Sunday all I wanted was to kneel at his feet and to have him place a hand behind my neck. What ended up happening instead?

I was naked in bed, rolling around into positions that normally get him hard, normally get him to fuck me until I’m screaming from the pain and the orgasms.

Instead, he was sitting in his computer chair watching me with a very indifferent expression.

“Come cuddle with me,” I said.

“If I cuddle you, I’ll fall asleep,” he said. “And I really don’t want to sleep.”

“I haven’t had time with you all day,” I said. “We’ve had people over and you’ve been in a funk since I woke up. Just spend like twenty mins with me.”

“I really need space right now,” he said. “I need to just let my mind zone out. Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay,” I said, but it didn’t ‘feel’ okay. “You’re allowed to want space.”

I left his room and burst into tears. I just wanted to be near him, but he didn’t want to be near me (or that’s how I saw it). My brain automatically snapped into feelings of despair and rejection. This was totally an illogical reaction but my brain didn’t understand what was happening.

I spent that night cuddled in the arms of a friend who let me vent to her. It was than I realized what was wrong.

D/S could have saved this reaction from happening.

Christopher woke up that morning not in DOM mode, because he had to force himself to be something other than what he is. He is a Dom, he is MY Dom and out of love for me, he tried to give me a day where I could run around ‘free.’

That ‘freedom’ wasn’t really freedom, it felt like a punishment. I was being denied by chance to serve him, to be his Submissive. It felt awful.

I woke up wanting to serve. The need was so great I was happy the moment I woke up, eager to do just that. But it never happened, because I didn’t kneel at his feet. I didn’t state that I didn’t want a vanilla Sunday.

That was my fault. I could have saved us a lot of hell that day.

Christopher was trying to hear me as a boyfriend and tried responding to me as a boyfriend, which lead my Submissive brain to feel unworthy of Service to my Dom.

I know, it can be messy and confusing, but hear me out!

Christopher thought I was making a request as a girlfriend and not as a Submissive.

This makes a huge difference.

When girlfriend Brittany needs attention that means: Conversing with me, watching a movie with me. INTERACTING with me.

When Submissive Brittany needs attention: I just need to be near him. I would have been happy with any of the following:

  1. Christopher has me kneel at his feet while he has alone time.
  2. Christopher has me kneel and work on a task, like writing that I do for him.
  3. Christopher has me work on crocheting a sweater while kneeling at his feet.
  4. Christopher has be blow him under his desk.
  5. Christopher has me massage his shoulders/feet.
  6. Christopher has me work on my computer while I kneel at his feet.
  7. Christopher has me prepare him a drink before coming to kneel at his feet.

When I’m His, when I’m in Submissive mode (which is always, except when working), I feel at peace just being near him. I love kneeling in silence while he works on the computer. I love it when he pets my hair without taking his eyes from his work, almost mindlessly, because I am His.

Christopher heard my request of wanting to spend time with him and heard it as “Brittany NEEDS to INTERACT with you, pay attention to me.”

When what I wanted was to serve him, and I know my Dom. I know that he loves having me kneel in silence near him while he works. So, when he rejected me, I didn’t understand. Don’t worry, things got better.

That night, I came home and told him about my feelings and I requested that he take away my “free” Sunday. I asked to serve him every day of the week, to be His every day of the week, and he accepted.

I am a Submissive. I feel at peace when I’m able to serve. Without my service I feel truly lost.

In the end, we learned, that for us, D/S wasn’t just a fun pastime. For us D/S is who we are as individuals.

I am a very happy Submissive 🙂



Re-Discovering Sex: Pulling A Rhett Butler.

NOTE: Remember that consent is the difference between having sex and rape. And please remember that language isn’t always the same for everyone. For some “No,” doesn’t mean “stop”, or “I don’t want this.” Sometimes your partner needs to create another safeword in order to allow themselves the freedom to struggle, to say “no” and to trust you to keep going until you hear the actual safeword. PLEASE remember to always talk about things before engaging, so you and your partner are safe. 



Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I was asked by one of you to talk about re-discovering sex in an already established relationship.  Sex with someone new can be odd, but trying to re-discover sex with an existing partner can feel similar to climbing a mountain naked, barefoot and in the dead of winter.

The reason I think it’s so difficult is because when the sex stops it’s a sign of something that’s wrong. For most couples, having sex is a way to reaffirm shared love, interest and dedication (and sex for the sake of sex is also important).

Depending on the reason you and your partner aren’t having sex, it often can feel insulting to your ego. I personally have never had this happen, so I asked Christopher (my partner) for his advice. 

He’s been going through something similar the last few months with Delilah. There relationship, after three years, is experiencing the challenges of jealousy, insecurity and doubt.

Delilah for the last three years, though she’s poly and has a girlfriend (Alice) has been the focal point of Christopher’s attention. Within the last year, I’ve come into the picture and Alice has returned from working overseas.

In the blink of an eye, Delilah went from having seven days a week with Christopher to having about four. She has to share those four days with Alice (they all live together) and Christopher get’s to balance having three girlfriends that want and need his attention.

Alice and I often share time because we don’t need alone time with Christopher. Delilah, though, needs specific attention from Christopher. She needs one-on-one time, she needs time spent in silence, and time spent outside the home.

She feels insecure about her body, she feels threatened by me (which she’s beginning to realize isn’t logical, as I’m not a threat) and she’s learning to trust when her partner says “No, seriously, I love you and I want to stay, but you have to work with me on this.”

(Keep in mind that their relationship is complicated and isn’t that simple, but for privacy’s sake, just go with it).

See, sex isn’t something that just stops. It’s a reaction to something else.

*NOTE: Please establish with your partner that they ACTUALLY do like sex. There is a chance that they might have been having it out of obligation but really don’t enjoy it. There’s a chance they could actually be a-sexual and too afraid to say so. Be ready to hear their honest feelings. This probably isn’t about you, but about them and their actual feelings and needs on sex. And yes, should your partner mention that sex is being taken off the table permanently, I recommend talking about opening the relationship up. Please note that I am not a doctor, I am just a woman with a blog. Seeking out a therapist who can help you and your partner would be my best advice. 

Christopher and I discussed the methods he’s used that has helped, and it is helping. There is growth happening, he and Delilah are getting along, things are becoming easy again and sex is being discussed.

Three things that will move your relationship forward:

1) Talk It Out: I don’t mean have one, two or three conversations, I mean, get ready for the most talking you’ve ever done. Be honest. This is the hard part. One of the common fears when things aren’t going well is the fear of your partner leaving. This is understandable but worth the risk.

2) Get Ready For The Possibilities: Relationships are hard, I mean, really, really hard. There’s no way around it. Even the easiest relationship has challenges. The conversations are there so you can figure out where you stand. They’re there so you can figure out what your partner needs and if you’re able to give it to them. There’s no telling where things will go, but be ready for anything.

3) Sometimes, your partner might need you to take control, to make your interest known, and sometimes, you gotta pull a Rhett Butler.

The Rhett Butler:rhett

In Gone With The Wind Rhett and Scarlet are having an argument. Scarlet is being her normal bratty self and Rhett has reached his last straw. He grabs Scarlet, throws her over his shoulder and takes her, kicking and screaming, into the bedroom. The scene fades and opens with Scarlet in bed next morning happy as a kid in Disneyland




This scene is known as the ‘almost rape scene’ for a reason. Scarlet kicks and screams, “no,” “put me down,” and fights until the scene fades. The fact that Rhett ignored her “no’s” can be seen as rape, but I would argue this:

They were in an established relationship, one built on unhealthy dependence and trust. They loved each other, even when they hated each other. They were their worst poison and their lifelines into happiness. They were a couple who was so established that, even when it seems cruel to us, they know what to do to make each other happy.

Take this with a grain of salt, their relationship wasn’t healthy but Pulling A Rhett Butler can be useful.


Here’s how I recommend you use this tactic in this beautiful modern age:

After you’ve spoken to your partner and established that they really do want sex, it’s your job to help them along. Do the romantic thing, if that’s what they need. Pull out flowers and music and dinner. Do whatever it is that they need.

Make sure you both have a clear way of communicating, whether it’s safe words, or physical action. And then go to town.

State: “I’m going to make love to you,” “I’m going to fuck you now,” “I’m going to have sex with you,” – Whatever your partner needs to hear (and keep in mind, they might need silence, they might just need you to make the move, touch their body and in silence fuck them – This is where the talking before helps).

Sometimes, Pulling A Rhett Butler is allowing your partner to struggle and fight and scream. Sometimes, your partner isn’t fighting you, but their own insecurities. I’ve passed up sex when I wasn’t feeling my best and the times my partner fucked me anyways, was the best. It was a reaffirmation that they wanted me, even though I didn’t feel worthy.

Yes, sometimes, it feels like you’re reading minds, but what you’re doing is listening to your partner, reading body language and really hearing them. That’s the hardest part: Hearing your partner, with not just your ears but your mind and heart.

There’s no easy way to make relationships work. Just remember: Talk it out, truly listen and keep “Pulling A Rhett Butler” as an option, because sometimes it comes in handy.

Please keep in mind that there is the possibility that your partner is done with the relationship and no matter how many times you fuck like bunnies, it’s over. This is where planning for the possibilities comes in.

I hope that helps 🙂

<3 Brittany