Category Archives: Sex

Renegotiating Your Relationships – Even if you’ve been dating for years!

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Hello Ladies and Dudes,

No matter what kind of romantic relationship you have, there will come a time when renegotioating will be vital to the survival of that relationship. No matter how many years it has been, people change, life throws curveballs, best to be prepared.

Christopher and I just had one of those moments. We’ve spent the last year negotiating towards a high-protocol D/s relationship and we made it happen. Things weren’t perfect, as we were still growing and learning each other, but we had a good foundation.

As of late though, the things we had done before weren’t working anymore for me and I needed to renegotiate.

One of my greatest flaws: I jump to the worst possible outcome and assume that’s what’s going to happen. I prepare for the worst, in the most unhealthy way possible. So, instead of just explaining to Christopher that we needed to sit down and renegotiate, I decided to just pull away and create a wall.

I said: “Here are the things I don’t like, I assume (because people suck) they won’t change, so I’m just going to assume the worst and act like it’s already happened.”

NOTE TO THE READER: PLEASE NEVER DO THIS!

We finally sat down yesterday and negotiated like we had never done it before (though we have, many times). We pulled out a BDSM check list, spoke about our dynamic, went over the basic things we needed and enjoyed. We went over information we already knew because there was a chance it had changed. And some of it did.

We happily and successfully renegotiated our relationship!

One of the key parts of this negotiation was to understand that I, Brittany, am more than my BDSM side. I have needs that have nothing to do with BDSM but have everything to do with spending time with my partner.

One of the things Christopher and I kept doing was having this conversation:

Brittany: “I want to go to a museum with you.”

Christopher: “Great, let’s do that.”

And than neither of us would do it, both waiting for the other to make it happen.

So, yesterday, I called him from work and proposed that we ride the motorcycle to The University of Washington to see the Cherry Blossoms. It was a great day! The sun was out, though it was still freezing!

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We needed to get out of the house. We needed to put away our phones and spend time together. I was going to SnapChat the date but decided to leave my phone home instead. I wanted to just spend time with my partner and no one else.

It was the most perfect day. We explored together. Enjoyed each other. Had real conversations. We’re both avid readers, so we strolled around UW’s lovely library. And I cannot tell you how magical it is to have someone love a library the same way you do.

Overall, without that conversation we would have continued being miserable and we probably would have broken up. When we don’t talk, we fail.

One of the things that I stopped doing, which I will start up again today, is that I used to keep a daily journal about our relationship, our scenes, our dates and kept it 100% real. At the end of the day, I’d have him read it so he knew what was going on. It was easier this way, than talking about it, and having my emotions get in the way.

Writing is always going to be my most successful way of communicating, it does not judge you until you go back to proofread it 🙂

<3

Brittany Simon

 

Eat Your Girl Right!

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Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I’ve been writing about oral for years but I’ve mostly covered going down on men with penises. Today, though, I was to talk about the reality of going down on your female partners who have vaginas.

For most of my adult life I didn’t like the idea of men going down on me. It’s not that men shouldn’t, it was just a “girl zone” in my head. As a queer woman, the idea of a women going down on me made perfect sense.

I was dating a man a few years back, the first PERSON to go down on me. He was “great” at it, though, at the time I didn’t have anything to compare it to. Now, as of late, my current partner Christopher is the only man who goes down on me. I adore him and his eagerness to respect my boundaries and blow my mind at the same time.

In the beginning of our relationship it was difficult for him to have me recoil at the idea of him between my legs. But honestly, after trust was established it became less of a thing.

Oral is just another way to connect with your partner while you’re bumping uglies.

I realize that for some of us, our identities can sometimes be our worse enemies. I identified as a lesbian for so long that even after dating men and identifying as queer, I still had hangups.

I’m not sure that I’d be comfortable now with just any guy going down on me, but I will say that I’ll be less afraid should the opportunity arise.

<3 Brittany Simon

brittany

 

Depression and BDSM.

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I’m as depressed as they come. I’d like to say that over time I’ve gotten better at handling it but the truth is, I’m getting worst.

My depression is manageable when I’m alone and unattached. I was able to sorta handle it on my own before I started dating seriously at 24.

It becomes worse when I’m trying to form new and lasting relationships. That’s when the depression eats at my mind. I analyze every single thing. I blow every little thing up. I push people away and wonder why they’re leaving, and at the same time, am satisfied with the idea of them walking away.

If they walk away, that’s one less relationship I have to constantly worry about.

I allow relationships to start easily, casually. Friendships or fuck buddies are easy. They normally don’t ask more from me than my time once in a while.

Forming romantic relationships are the worse for me. From the moment I think someone wants me long term I start finding every single thing wrong with that person.

The worst part: When I’m happy and my head is leveled, I want to date, I want to fall in love. When I’m healthy and not having a depressive episode, I’m actually fun to be around.

Christopher is my long term partner. He’s aware of my depression but it’s not easy. Neither of us is perfect and we both have weaknesses that make our life together a challenge.

But last night, during one of my fits he told me that he was going to beat me. This was something that I’d been avoiding for at least two months. We’ve been having a hard time having complete and fulfilling scenes because I’ve allowed my fear to consume me.

And since he respects my limits, he’s allowed me time but last night, last night was different. It was this moment of “Trust me, I know best.”

I was at a loss. All I wanted to do was die. I’d been crying all night. I felt like nothing worse could happen…so, why not?

I positioned myself like he asked. Slowly, he hit me with the flogger. He started very soft, like a feather, and built and built.

With every hit I could feel my panic attack slowing down. I could feel my breathing become steady. My shoulders slumped into my body and the tension was slowly left.

Eventually, I felt like I was floating. I wasn’t crying anymore. My brain was centered. I found something to focus on. A different kind of pain. With every single hit I felt more and more like myself.

In terms of what I’ve taken in the past, this was a light scene, but it was just right. It was exactly what I needed to fight the fear that was consuming me.

With one last hit, one that made me jump, he stopped and I wrapped my arms around his legs. His hand went to my hair and he stroked my body like I was his kitten.

“Shhh, scene’s over,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

With my eyes still closed he had me position myself on the bed so he could lotion the places he had hit. He took care of me. He tucked me into bed and laid with me.

All of the sudden, I couldn’t stop smiling. Laughter bubbled from deep within me and escaped through my mouth and there was no stopping it. I was so happy that I couldn’t stop laughing.

I know to so many BDSM is always going to be seen as abuse, and it’s true that there are SOME who are abusive within the community.

But, truly, without BDSM, without the structure, the rules, the pain, the challenges, the everything…I hate to fathom where I’d be now. Probably lying in a bathtub crying myself to sleep.

I’m still depressed, BDSM isn’t a doctor, it’s a coping mechanism. Only a doctor can really help but it’s nice to have other options as well.

<3
Brittany

 

Dear Men With Tiny Dicks.

Dear Men With Tiny Dicks,

Your dick size only matters so much, if not at all. Society has conditioned us into believing that bigger is better. Bigger is just bigger.

Here’s what I’ve come to realize as a woman who loves dick:

  • Anything bigger than 6 inches and I’m going to have to worry about how hard they’re slamming into me. I’m 6 inches deep. Anything bigger and my cervix is going to feel it. Now, I like my cervix being pounded, but that’s not for everyone.
  • It’s about the whole package, not just his package.
    • Seriously. Do you have anything to offer but a dick? If not, I can buy one that doesn’t talk or bring drama into my life. And my store bought one can vibrate. If all I wanted was dick I’d shop at a toy store. But some of us are interested in relationships. We want more than your dick. We want a functioning adult who isn’t defined by the size of their dick.
    • Women are only so deep. If you have a woman who’s three inches deep and a man with a three inch dick, perfect!
    • Look presentable: This one is targeted towards the guys out there with smaller dicks and a shitty package. You complain that women don’t want you because of your dick. I find that it’s also because you have a shitty personality, a bad sense of fashion and literally no interest in improving yourself.
      • Only the select few of us have won the genetic lottery and can roll out of bed smoking hot. Most of us have to work at it. I shall prove it.
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Me with no make up, my hair undone and just out of bed.

After some effort!

After some effort!

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, please, before you bitch and moan about how your dick is the issue, make sure it’s not you.

<3

Brittany

 

 

 

 

How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Be More Dominant?

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I got a question on tumblr from a woman, essentially asking how she can get her boyfriend to take more control…

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I created a video as a response.

 

I also wanted to add a list of ways to help those entering into control dynamics.

Ways Your Top/Dom/Master Can Take Control In Every Day Life:

  • The bottom greets the top with a specific saying.
    • “Good evening, Sir, how was your day?”
    • “Good evening Mistress, welcome home.”
  • The bottom uses specific titles instead of their name.
    • Instead of Bob, call him Sir.
    • Instead of Susan, call her Ma’am.
  • The top can pick out the bottom’s clothes when headed to an event.
    • I often lay out three dresses for Christopher to choose from or he’ll have one in mind already (Christopher only chooses what I wear for special events, though some people do it every day).
    • The Top gets to dictate when the bottom cums or masturbates.
      • Sometimes it’s as simple as, “You will not masturbate until I see you, that way you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”
      • Or, “You will masturbate today for ten mins, but you will not cum until I say so, or maybe not at all…”
    • Top can choose whether or not the bottom wears panties for the day/or event coming up.
      • Christopher loves to take away my panties because I’m a very wet person, so he knows I have to be careful where I sit and how move around (especially since he’ll put me in a short dress on nights with no panties).
    • The Bottom will have a meal prepared for the Top when the top comes over/wakes up/gets home from work.
    • The bottom will massage the tops feet during TV time.
    • The bottom will kneel while the top feeds them dinner.

These are just common ways for Tops/Doms/Masters to take control. There are always other methods, but remember, taking control means different things for different people.

Explore! Have fun!

I hope this helps!

<3 Brittany