Hello Ladies and Dudes,
No matter what kind of romantic relationship you have, there will come a time when renegotioating will be vital to the survival of that relationship. No matter how many years it has been, people change, life throws curveballs, best to be prepared.
Christopher and I just had one of those moments. We’ve spent the last year negotiating towards a high-protocol D/s relationship and we made it happen. Things weren’t perfect, as we were still growing and learning each other, but we had a good foundation.
As of late though, the things we had done before weren’t working anymore for me and I needed to renegotiate.
One of my greatest flaws: I jump to the worst possible outcome and assume that’s what’s going to happen. I prepare for the worst, in the most unhealthy way possible. So, instead of just explaining to Christopher that we needed to sit down and renegotiate, I decided to just pull away and create a wall.
I said: “Here are the things I don’t like, I assume (because people suck) they won’t change, so I’m just going to assume the worst and act like it’s already happened.”
NOTE TO THE READER: PLEASE NEVER DO THIS!
We finally sat down yesterday and negotiated like we had never done it before (though we have, many times). We pulled out a BDSM check list, spoke about our dynamic, went over the basic things we needed and enjoyed. We went over information we already knew because there was a chance it had changed. And some of it did.
We happily and successfully renegotiated our relationship!
One of the key parts of this negotiation was to understand that I, Brittany, am more than my BDSM side. I have needs that have nothing to do with BDSM but have everything to do with spending time with my partner.
One of the things Christopher and I kept doing was having this conversation:
Brittany: “I want to go to a museum with you.”
Christopher: “Great, let’s do that.”
And than neither of us would do it, both waiting for the other to make it happen.
So, yesterday, I called him from work and proposed that we ride the motorcycle to The University of Washington to see the Cherry Blossoms. It was a great day! The sun was out, though it was still freezing!
We needed to get out of the house. We needed to put away our phones and spend time together. I was going to SnapChat the date but decided to leave my phone home instead. I wanted to just spend time with my partner and no one else.
It was the most perfect day. We explored together. Enjoyed each other. Had real conversations. We’re both avid readers, so we strolled around UW’s lovely library. And I cannot tell you how magical it is to have someone love a library the same way you do.
Overall, without that conversation we would have continued being miserable and we probably would have broken up. When we don’t talk, we fail.
One of the things that I stopped doing, which I will start up again today, is that I used to keep a daily journal about our relationship, our scenes, our dates and kept it 100% real. At the end of the day, I’d have him read it so he knew what was going on. It was easier this way, than talking about it, and having my emotions get in the way.
Writing is always going to be my most successful way of communicating, it does not judge you until you go back to proofread it 🙂