Tag Archives: Christopher

Renegotiating Your Relationships – Even if you’ve been dating for years!

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Hello Ladies and Dudes,

No matter what kind of romantic relationship you have, there will come a time when renegotioating will be vital to the survival of that relationship. No matter how many years it has been, people change, life throws curveballs, best to be prepared.

Christopher and I just had one of those moments. We’ve spent the last year negotiating towards a high-protocol D/s relationship and we made it happen. Things weren’t perfect, as we were still growing and learning each other, but we had a good foundation.

As of late though, the things we had done before weren’t working anymore for me and I needed to renegotiate.

One of my greatest flaws: I jump to the worst possible outcome and assume that’s what’s going to happen. I prepare for the worst, in the most unhealthy way possible. So, instead of just explaining to Christopher that we needed to sit down and renegotiate, I decided to just pull away and create a wall.

I said: “Here are the things I don’t like, I assume (because people suck) they won’t change, so I’m just going to assume the worst and act like it’s already happened.”

NOTE TO THE READER: PLEASE NEVER DO THIS!

We finally sat down yesterday and negotiated like we had never done it before (though we have, many times). We pulled out a BDSM check list, spoke about our dynamic, went over the basic things we needed and enjoyed. We went over information we already knew because there was a chance it had changed. And some of it did.

We happily and successfully renegotiated our relationship!

One of the key parts of this negotiation was to understand that I, Brittany, am more than my BDSM side. I have needs that have nothing to do with BDSM but have everything to do with spending time with my partner.

One of the things Christopher and I kept doing was having this conversation:

Brittany: “I want to go to a museum with you.”

Christopher: “Great, let’s do that.”

And than neither of us would do it, both waiting for the other to make it happen.

So, yesterday, I called him from work and proposed that we ride the motorcycle to The University of Washington to see the Cherry Blossoms. It was a great day! The sun was out, though it was still freezing!

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We needed to get out of the house. We needed to put away our phones and spend time together. I was going to SnapChat the date but decided to leave my phone home instead. I wanted to just spend time with my partner and no one else.

It was the most perfect day. We explored together. Enjoyed each other. Had real conversations. We’re both avid readers, so we strolled around UW’s lovely library. And I cannot tell you how magical it is to have someone love a library the same way you do.

Overall, without that conversation we would have continued being miserable and we probably would have broken up. When we don’t talk, we fail.

One of the things that I stopped doing, which I will start up again today, is that I used to keep a daily journal about our relationship, our scenes, our dates and kept it 100% real. At the end of the day, I’d have him read it so he knew what was going on. It was easier this way, than talking about it, and having my emotions get in the way.

Writing is always going to be my most successful way of communicating, it does not judge you until you go back to proofread it 🙂

<3

Brittany Simon

 

Washing My Mouth Out With Soap.

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

There’s a fine balance between protecting someone from an abusive relationship and learning to not judge them because it’s actually what they want out of life. There’s also a fine line between those who actually know what they want and those who are convinced that this is what they want. And of course, the biggest question: How do we know when we’re dealing with the person who needs help and the person who is actually happy with their choices?

With that said, let’s talk about Christopher washing my mouth out with soap.

Christopher and I were planning our collaring ceremony to happen this month, and we were close, but a few more lessons arose and we’ve decided to wait awhile more. See, for us, the collaring ceremony is SERIOUSLY that step before marriage and marriage for the both of us is the most serious commitment you can make with another human being (at least, in our lives).

So, after a week of bad rebellion and new negotiations, Christopher will now wash my mouth out every time that I cuss (that is, until I’ve earned his collar again). The soap method was not used by my parents. We got good ol’ fashioned beatings. So, this was a new thing for me.

If you know me, you know that I cuss like a sailor.

Yesterday, I messed up five times. Three of them went like this:

We were watching an intense movie. Something intense happens to the character on the screen.

Me: “Fuck!” Realizing I cussed. “Oh, shit.” Realizing I cussed again. “Oh, Fuck!”

He made me bite down on a bar of soap and sit there until I was gagging.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen the porn and the kinky pictures of people who are into having their mouths washed out with soap. I never realized it was as bad as I let myself believe until I had it done on me (I blame Tumblr!).

As a pretty heavy masochist that is the worst thing he’s ever done to me.

I have a specific assignment to complete in order to earn his collar. This could take me 1-12 months, depending on how hard I decide to work at it.

Some people would consider Christopher and I too serious when it comes to our dynamic. And maybe we are, but I’m putting my mind, heart, soul and body in his hands. It’s as serious as one gets in life, allowing someone else control over them. So, yeah, I’m okay waiting. I’m okay earning my place in his life and he in mine.

The hardest part of this dynamic: Having my mouth washed out with soap.

These are the actions that best suit our dynamic, that best help us on our journey towards fulfillment. These are the moments where I welcome the challenge. I welcome the chance to better myself and to prove my dedication to my partner.

Christopher and I both work daily to make sure we’re on the same page, that we want the same things, and that we’re taking the best path to creating the life that we want.

I know some people might wonder if I’m in an abusive relationship, I am NOT.

I have read, studied, listened, and learned that out of all the paths in life I could take, this one brings me the most peace. That could chance, but for now (and hopefully forever), this is where I belong, kneeling at his feet.

<3
Brittany Simon

Why Have Protocol? – BDSM Relationships.

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

 

I was asked this question:

**”I see a lot of posts on protocols, but I was wondering if you’d be open to talking about it. It seems like they’re essentially rules agreed upon by parties in a d/s or m/s relationship. I suppose what I still don’t really understand is why they’re so important… Moreover, why someone would be compelled to want rules governing their personal life. In essence I get the “what”, but not the “why”.
I don’t mean to give offense; This just happens to be something I find puzzling.”**

My response:

Protocol creates stability, consistency and forms good habits.

If you’ve ever been to a Catholic mass there are rituals in place to reaffirm the foundation of ones dedication to their god. It’s the same in BDSM and high-protocol relationships.

One can simply say, “I am your submissive,” but when one backs that up with action it creates the realism needed for most to FEEL like their relationships are REAL and not just a game.

You’ll often see in the community a “game like” mentality, which is all well in good for those who see this as a fun “bedroom pastime,” but for those of us that see this as a spiritual and 24/7 lifestyle choice, it’s much more.

Protocol is what sets this dynamic apart of being just vanilla with some kinky sex.

To be honest, this isn’t about sex for us. Sex is not the foundation of our dynamic. We do not involve it in play for that reason.

Our dynamic is about our dedication to each other as Dom and sub, as lovers, as partners, as future husband and wife. It’s about our understanding that when I come home from work and I kneel for him before I do anything else, that I’m saying to him: “I am Yours. First and foremost, I am Yours.”

When we leave the play parties and go home to our apartment, we don’t turn off the kink. We don’t just fall into bed. I don’t stop calling him Sir.

The same rules I have in public are the same at home.

Before Christopher and I become 24/7 we tried taking Sunday’s off. That was the worst idea ever. For four weeks, every Sunday, we’d have a fight because we couldn’t just shut the D/s off.

We need it. It is who we are.

I am His. I don’t want to start the day and end it without putting that into action.

I know for many, because it is something they do just in the bedroom, creating rules to follow seems silly. If I haven’t made clear already why we have them, here’s one more way to look at it:

D/s as a lifestyle is like having a work out routine, you can say you’ve worked out when you haven’t and your body and soul will not be fed. Or you can work out and because of this action your body and soul are fed. Because of your routine you are happy, peaceful and content.

I give Christopher power because he has earned it, because it helps me as a person, and because it’s all been negotiated. He’s my personal trainer (if you will). He’s the person who pushes me when I’m tired, who cheers me on when I doubt myself, he’s the man who loves me when I’m ugly, who tolerates me when I’m bitchy, and comforts me when I’m falling apart.

I am his. I am there for him when he doubts himself, when he’s angry at the world, when he doesn’t know what to do, when he needs someone to listen, when he needs someone to state the obvious and when he needs someone to remind him that he is worthy of my love and my submission.

We can do anything as a team. That’s what being in a D/s or M/s relationship is: It’s creating a team of two hearts and minds.

To sum it up:
Protocol is in place to remind us of our dedication to one another.
Protocol is an ACTION of love, Submission and Surrender.
Protocol isn’t just silly rules created for fun. It’s about creating stability so both parties know what to expect.

Remember that protocol looks different to all of us, but most of the time it’s there to create reminders of who we are to one another.

I hope this helped 🙂

<3 Brittany Simon

Eat Your Girl Right!

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Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I’ve been writing about oral for years but I’ve mostly covered going down on men with penises. Today, though, I was to talk about the reality of going down on your female partners who have vaginas.

For most of my adult life I didn’t like the idea of men going down on me. It’s not that men shouldn’t, it was just a “girl zone” in my head. As a queer woman, the idea of a women going down on me made perfect sense.

I was dating a man a few years back, the first PERSON to go down on me. He was “great” at it, though, at the time I didn’t have anything to compare it to. Now, as of late, my current partner Christopher is the only man who goes down on me. I adore him and his eagerness to respect my boundaries and blow my mind at the same time.

In the beginning of our relationship it was difficult for him to have me recoil at the idea of him between my legs. But honestly, after trust was established it became less of a thing.

Oral is just another way to connect with your partner while you’re bumping uglies.

I realize that for some of us, our identities can sometimes be our worse enemies. I identified as a lesbian for so long that even after dating men and identifying as queer, I still had hangups.

I’m not sure that I’d be comfortable now with just any guy going down on me, but I will say that I’ll be less afraid should the opportunity arise.

<3 Brittany Simon

brittany

 

Sleeping At The Foot of The Bed.

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I recently created a video that covered “how to make BDSM feel real.”
I essentially said: “BDSM is as real as you make it. Through rituals and protocol and consistency you created this to be a real thing in your life.”
Christopher disagreed with me saying, “BDSM is who someone is. You can’t just make it real by doing the things, for some of us, it’s real no matter what. If you hadn’t found me, if you never knew what BDSM was, you’d still be looking for it. You’d be searching for your Dom. You’re a Submissive, it’s who you are.”
I didn’t understand the depth of his words until last night.
In my soul, I know that this community is my home. I know that I do best within it’s rules and structure. I know that I crave to kneel at Christopher’s feet more than I want most things.
Weeks back, Christopher and I were spending time together, laughing and joking.
“I’m going to make you sleep at the foot of the bed when you’re bad,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t think so.”
In that moment, I was thinking of BDSM from a “fun, light and temporary” mindset. Sometimes, my brain is 100% aware that this is a serious lifestyle choice for Christopher and I. Sometimes, my brain forgets that because the world around me sucks me back into its everyday silliness.
Christopher and I do have a reputation of being very “serious” about our BDSM because it dictates, truly, so much of our lives. It’s as important to us as a religion might be to some.
We take no steps in our relationships that haven’t been fully negotiated. When I give him more, he takes more, as much as he can. He doesn’t just want what I give. He wants ALL OF IT. He wants the things I don’t want to give.
So, when he says, “Who do you belong to?”
And I say, “You Sir.”
I mean that.
I am His.
He has Everything, All of It.
It’s all his.
So, last night, I was being punished. I had been bad over the last 48 hours and I wasn’t proving myself to be worthy of his Collar.
That night, in the most serious of voices Christopher informed me that I wouldn’t be sleeping in his bed. I would be sleeping at the foot of the bed.
Weeks ago, this seemed like a nightmare, but truly, as I knelt at his feet, I knew I’d earned it. I earned a sore back in the morning. I earned not being able to feel him pressed against me. I earned my punishment.
This lifestyle isn’t some flippant pastime for us.
It’s frightens me how peaceful I was when I woke this morning.
It frightens me that I want this.
It calms me when I live it fully.
When Christopher is truly mean, when he follows through, when he is my DOM and not my boyfriend, I feel truly free.
I am honored to be His.

<3 His.