Hello Ladies and Dudes,
There’s a fine balance between protecting someone from an abusive relationship and learning to not judge them because it’s actually what they want out of life. There’s also a fine line between those who actually know what they want and those who are convinced that this is what they want. And of course, the biggest question: How do we know when we’re dealing with the person who needs help and the person who is actually happy with their choices?
With that said, let’s talk about Christopher washing my mouth out with soap.
Christopher and I were planning our collaring ceremony to happen this month, and we were close, but a few more lessons arose and we’ve decided to wait awhile more. See, for us, the collaring ceremony is SERIOUSLY that step before marriage and marriage for the both of us is the most serious commitment you can make with another human being (at least, in our lives).
So, after a week of bad rebellion and new negotiations, Christopher will now wash my mouth out every time that I cuss (that is, until I’ve earned his collar again). The soap method was not used by my parents. We got good ol’ fashioned beatings. So, this was a new thing for me.
If you know me, you know that I cuss like a sailor.
Yesterday, I messed up five times. Three of them went like this:
We were watching an intense movie. Something intense happens to the character on the screen.
Me: “Fuck!” Realizing I cussed. “Oh, shit.” Realizing I cussed again. “Oh, Fuck!”
He made me bite down on a bar of soap and sit there until I was gagging.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen the porn and the kinky pictures of people who are into having their mouths washed out with soap. I never realized it was as bad as I let myself believe until I had it done on me (I blame Tumblr!).
As a pretty heavy masochist that is the worst thing he’s ever done to me.
I have a specific assignment to complete in order to earn his collar. This could take me 1-12 months, depending on how hard I decide to work at it.
Some people would consider Christopher and I too serious when it comes to our dynamic. And maybe we are, but I’m putting my mind, heart, soul and body in his hands. It’s as serious as one gets in life, allowing someone else control over them. So, yeah, I’m okay waiting. I’m okay earning my place in his life and he in mine.
The hardest part of this dynamic: Having my mouth washed out with soap.
These are the actions that best suit our dynamic, that best help us on our journey towards fulfillment. These are the moments where I welcome the challenge. I welcome the chance to better myself and to prove my dedication to my partner.
Christopher and I both work daily to make sure we’re on the same page, that we want the same things, and that we’re taking the best path to creating the life that we want.
I know some people might wonder if I’m in an abusive relationship, I am NOT.
I have read, studied, listened, and learned that out of all the paths in life I could take, this one brings me the most peace. That could chance, but for now (and hopefully forever), this is where I belong, kneeling at his feet.