Tag Archives: Love

Our Relationship: In All The Gory Details!

Eat Your Girl Right!

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Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I’ve been writing about oral for years but I’ve mostly covered going down on men with penises. Today, though, I was to talk about the reality of going down on your female partners who have vaginas.

For most of my adult life I didn’t like the idea of men going down on me. It’s not that men shouldn’t, it was just a “girl zone” in my head. As a queer woman, the idea of a women going down on me made perfect sense.

I was dating a man a few years back, the first PERSON to go down on me. He was “great” at it, though, at the time I didn’t have anything to compare it to. Now, as of late, my current partner Christopher is the only man who goes down on me. I adore him and his eagerness to respect my boundaries and blow my mind at the same time.

In the beginning of our relationship it was difficult for him to have me recoil at the idea of him between my legs. But honestly, after trust was established it became less of a thing.

Oral is just another way to connect with your partner while you’re bumping uglies.

I realize that for some of us, our identities can sometimes be our worse enemies. I identified as a lesbian for so long that even after dating men and identifying as queer, I still had hangups.

I’m not sure that I’d be comfortable now with just any guy going down on me, but I will say that I’ll be less afraid should the opportunity arise.

<3 Brittany Simon

brittany

 

Depression and BDSM.

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I’m as depressed as they come. I’d like to say that over time I’ve gotten better at handling it but the truth is, I’m getting worst.

My depression is manageable when I’m alone and unattached. I was able to sorta handle it on my own before I started dating seriously at 24.

It becomes worse when I’m trying to form new and lasting relationships. That’s when the depression eats at my mind. I analyze every single thing. I blow every little thing up. I push people away and wonder why they’re leaving, and at the same time, am satisfied with the idea of them walking away.

If they walk away, that’s one less relationship I have to constantly worry about.

I allow relationships to start easily, casually. Friendships or fuck buddies are easy. They normally don’t ask more from me than my time once in a while.

Forming romantic relationships are the worse for me. From the moment I think someone wants me long term I start finding every single thing wrong with that person.

The worst part: When I’m happy and my head is leveled, I want to date, I want to fall in love. When I’m healthy and not having a depressive episode, I’m actually fun to be around.

Christopher is my long term partner. He’s aware of my depression but it’s not easy. Neither of us is perfect and we both have weaknesses that make our life together a challenge.

But last night, during one of my fits he told me that he was going to beat me. This was something that I’d been avoiding for at least two months. We’ve been having a hard time having complete and fulfilling scenes because I’ve allowed my fear to consume me.

And since he respects my limits, he’s allowed me time but last night, last night was different. It was this moment of “Trust me, I know best.”

I was at a loss. All I wanted to do was die. I’d been crying all night. I felt like nothing worse could happen…so, why not?

I positioned myself like he asked. Slowly, he hit me with the flogger. He started very soft, like a feather, and built and built.

With every hit I could feel my panic attack slowing down. I could feel my breathing become steady. My shoulders slumped into my body and the tension was slowly left.

Eventually, I felt like I was floating. I wasn’t crying anymore. My brain was centered. I found something to focus on. A different kind of pain. With every single hit I felt more and more like myself.

In terms of what I’ve taken in the past, this was a light scene, but it was just right. It was exactly what I needed to fight the fear that was consuming me.

With one last hit, one that made me jump, he stopped and I wrapped my arms around his legs. His hand went to my hair and he stroked my body like I was his kitten.

“Shhh, scene’s over,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

With my eyes still closed he had me position myself on the bed so he could lotion the places he had hit. He took care of me. He tucked me into bed and laid with me.

All of the sudden, I couldn’t stop smiling. Laughter bubbled from deep within me and escaped through my mouth and there was no stopping it. I was so happy that I couldn’t stop laughing.

I know to so many BDSM is always going to be seen as abuse, and it’s true that there are SOME who are abusive within the community.

But, truly, without BDSM, without the structure, the rules, the pain, the challenges, the everything…I hate to fathom where I’d be now. Probably lying in a bathtub crying myself to sleep.

I’m still depressed, BDSM isn’t a doctor, it’s a coping mechanism. Only a doctor can really help but it’s nice to have other options as well.

<3
Brittany

 

Dear Sir, I’m Done.

Dear Sir,

This has been a frustrating battle.
For the last year we’ve spent our relationship playing tug of war. Each of us giving a little and taking a little. You and I both are strong-willed, hard-headed people with very clear ideas of what we want for our future.

We’re also very fucking stubborn.

At this point, I’m pretty sure all of our friends have seen us battle for control.

Most of those situations involve me on my knees, trying to top from the bottom.

You don’t want that. I don’t want that.

You want a submissive who will surrender and I want a Dom worthy of that surrender.

You worked with me, listened to me, adapted to me, challenged me and saw things in me that I had forgotten were there. You found my light, my drive, my talent, my passion, my love for living.

And for the first time in my life, I’m happy to be alive.

I thank you for that.

This last week you asked me to stop being afraid, to surrender for a week straight without fighting you. You asked me to say yes, when all I wanted to do was to run. For the past year, I’ve only been able to surrender for a couple of days before I allowed fear to overwhelm me.

I fought you about the smallest things and made them into big things. The idea of surrendering seemed scarier than even breaking up with you. In my state of fear, breaking up with you seemed like a possibility because then you couldn’t get close anymore, you couldn’t hurt me, you couldn’t love me enough to matter if you left….

But this past week it happened…I surrendered.

This week has been wonderful, smooth and peaceful. I found my peace through my surrender. I chose to surrender, to kneel and bow my head, instead of fighting.

The puzzle pieces began to fit.

It took a year of fear and running, but I’m not running anymore.

I’m not scared anymore.

I’m done.

I’m here.

I’m Yours.

 

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How Do I Get My Boyfriend To Be More Dominant?

Hello Ladies and Dudes,

I got a question on tumblr from a woman, essentially asking how she can get her boyfriend to take more control…

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I created a video as a response.

 

I also wanted to add a list of ways to help those entering into control dynamics.

Ways Your Top/Dom/Master Can Take Control In Every Day Life:

  • The bottom greets the top with a specific saying.
    • “Good evening, Sir, how was your day?”
    • “Good evening Mistress, welcome home.”
  • The bottom uses specific titles instead of their name.
    • Instead of Bob, call him Sir.
    • Instead of Susan, call her Ma’am.
  • The top can pick out the bottom’s clothes when headed to an event.
    • I often lay out three dresses for Christopher to choose from or he’ll have one in mind already (Christopher only chooses what I wear for special events, though some people do it every day).
    • The Top gets to dictate when the bottom cums or masturbates.
      • Sometimes it’s as simple as, “You will not masturbate until I see you, that way you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”
      • Or, “You will masturbate today for ten mins, but you will not cum until I say so, or maybe not at all…”
    • Top can choose whether or not the bottom wears panties for the day/or event coming up.
      • Christopher loves to take away my panties because I’m a very wet person, so he knows I have to be careful where I sit and how move around (especially since he’ll put me in a short dress on nights with no panties).
    • The Bottom will have a meal prepared for the Top when the top comes over/wakes up/gets home from work.
    • The bottom will massage the tops feet during TV time.
    • The bottom will kneel while the top feeds them dinner.

These are just common ways for Tops/Doms/Masters to take control. There are always other methods, but remember, taking control means different things for different people.

Explore! Have fun!

I hope this helps!

<3 Brittany